Logically, it doesn’t make sense. Why would anyone struggle to surrender to a love that’s all good, all safe, and all perfect? But many of us find it difficult. We long for a love that’s safe, unconditional, and pure. But life often teaches us otherwise—conditioning us to see love as painful, unreliable, or even dangerous. So, when God invites us into His unshakable, unearned love, our instincts kick in. It feels risky, even though it’s exactly what we crave.
Like many, I wrestled with this paradox. I spent years unaware I was building walls, but living as if I could live without love. Why risk getting hurt? But deep down, I knew different. God’s love—pure, steady, and unconditional—felt out of reach, much like how my rescue cats initially viewed affection. They came with their own wounds, hesitant to trust, wary of human touch. I could relate. Trusting God’s love felt as vulnerable as coaxing a frightened cat to feel safe in my arms.
Why Is Surrender So Hard?
Understanding why we resist love starts with examining our earliest experiences. The people in our formative years were meant to reflect God’s love. Being human, however, they offered imperfect, sometimes hurtful versions of it stemming from their own imperfect experiences of the same. For me, love seemed conditional—available only when I was perfectly obedient. Negative emotions or mistakes felt like love’s withdrawal.
Unconsciously, I developed a need for control: control over myself and my surroundings to “earn” love or, paradoxically, to resist it so I wouldn’t be hurt when it was taken away. Like my cats, who initially recoiled from touch, I believed self-protection was safer than risking rejection. But this strategy wasn’t a flaw; it was survival. And just as I approached my cats with patience and compassion, we need to offer ourselves the same grace as we unlearn these protective mechanisms.
The next step in surrendering is recognizing the difference between human love and God’s love. God’s love is nothing like the conditional or transactional love we’ve experienced. It’s not forceful or manipulative. Instead, it’s invitational and patient, meeting us exactly where we are.
With my cats, I never forced affection on them. I waited, respecting their boundaries, offering love in whatever way they could accept. Similarly, God doesn’t rush us. He’s not offended by our hesitations or struggles. He gently invites us, knowing we need time and space. This gradual process of opening up is freeing—it’s not an all-or-nothing event but a series of small, trusting steps.
Taking Small Steps Toward Trust
Surrendering to God’s love often mirrors the slow, patient process of gaining a rescue cat’s trust. It’s not like leaping into perfect faith overnight. Sometimes, it’s as simple as sitting quietly in His presence, letting His love wash over you, even if you don’t fully believe it yet.
For me, surrender began when I stopped performing for love. I gave myself permission to let go of old habits, to trust that God loved me even when I didn’t “measure up.” I remember how I loved my cats even when they stayed out of reach for years. I didn’t withhold affection because they wouldn’t sit on my lap. Instead, I met them where they were, loving them in the small ways they allowed. Over time, their walls came down, just as mine did with God.
Interestingly, as I worked on regulating my nervous system—teaching it to feel safe and relaxed instead of hypervigilant—I noticed my cats responding. They began to trust more, becoming cuddly and relaxed. They were getting co-regulated simply by being around me, and I had gotten coregulated by God, simply by hanging around him. Their healing journey mirrored my own, reminding me that love thrives in an environment of safety and patience.
Small, intentional actions help build trust in God’s love.
These might include:
• Acknowledging God’s love throughout the day in simple ways.
• Praying for the courage to let go of control, even in tiny increments.
• Visualizing His love, flowing like life-giving sap through a vine, nourishing and sustaining you.
• One practice I cherish is imagining myself as a branch connected to the vine of Christ. I picture His love flowing freely, nourishing me as I let go of my grip on fear and control. This visualization reminds me that His love doesn’t demand; it simply invites me to receive.
Like my cats learning to trust human hands, our hearts can gradually open to God’s love. It’s a process—sometimes slow, often incremental—but always transformative.
Surrendering to God’s love brings profound healing, not just to our souls but to our bodies. As I’ve leaned into His love, I’ve experienced less tension, better sleep, and a deeper sense of peace.
God patiently walks with us, offering His love without pressure or deadlines. If you’re struggling to trust, hang in there. Let Him lead you gently on this journey. It may take time, but every step toward His love is worth it. And like the transformation I saw in my rescue cats, you’ll find yourself thriving in the warmth of His perfect love.
