Shame

Having learned about the history of self-judgment, how it manifests and how it harms, we can now look at shame, because judgment leads us to shame. Adam wasn’t hiding because he had done something bad. He was hiding because he believed he was bad. Shame is different from conviction, in that shame convinces you that you are what you did. Conviction just tells you what you did was wrong, it doesn’t take what you did and identifies you with it. Shame takes what we do and turns it into a statement about our worth.

Worth in this world rises and falls according to how much something is valued at any given moment. It behaves much like the real estate market. It may well have cost a million dollars to build a house, but if the market crashes, that house is not going to be valued at one million any more.

Here is the good news. We are not real estate! We are not subject to stock markets! Our worth does not ebb and flow like the Dow. Our worth is based on what price was paid for us. Jesus came and paid this high price. God says our worth is his only, dearly loved son, Jesus! It never changes, because Jesus does not change. We can be assured of an unchangeable worth given us by God. God loves you if you never ever do anything for him. He loves you the same if you mess up every day for the rest of your life. He loves you no differently if you serve him valiantly day after day.

This may sounds good to some of us. It may confuse others. It can be a challenge to really grasp that when we try to live this way towards others. The challenge is proof how rooted in performance we still are. Because how can a mass murderer be loved the same as me? But the drug addict on the street who robs and hurts to get what he needs to feed his addiction is loved just the same as you, who try to faithfully obey and keep the commandments. Our worth is the same as anyone else’s, because the same price was paid for all of us.

Someone might ask why bother behaving well, then. If I’m not going to be loved any more if I do or if I don’t, what is the point?

The answer is in the fact that what we do and who we are is not measured by the same scale. The worth has been established, in fact it isn’t on a scale, because it does not change, it is fixed. But our actions and behavior are measured on the pain scale. Some of the things we do ensure we measure low on the pain scale. Other things, if we do them, will come in at very high pain levels. It’s not so much about whether my choices are good ones or bad ones. Rather what needs to be considered is how much pain any particular choice will produce both for myself and others. Our pain level can increase or decrease based on our choices. We have so many reasons to choose well!

People who love themselves and value themselves the way God does, make much better choices than people who judge themselves and beat themselves up all the time. It really goes back to how we think. If I think I’m a terrible person, I will make terrible decisions. If I don’t believe I have worth, why would I care about my body, my relationships, my future, etc.?

Remember the plant in the video clip, it did best when it was showered with affirmation. Equally so we make the best decisions when we accept what God says about us.

I want to begin consciously incorporating, some questions in my decision-making process.

Is what I’m thinking of choosing going to reinforce that I am worthy and valuable, loved and will it  create more room for growth and thriving? The question of right and wrong becomes fine-tuned to whether any decision is going to promote life or death.

Will my decision honor and protect the worth God has given me?

Exercise:

Ask God:

What do you say about me?

What do you say about my life?

What do you say about my future?

What do you believe?

If you have trouble determining if you are hearing God, remember what he revealed about himself. He wants relationship with us so badly, he sacrificed everything to get a chance to be with us. He will not sound accusatory, nor angry or judgmental. If he corrects, I have discovered, he will do it more gently and lovingly than I ever imagined. Don’t be afraid of him.

The more completely I invite God to be my source of value, the better I will treat myself and others. To the extent I let him love me unconditionally is the extent I will be able to love myself unconditionally. The more clear and accurate picture I have of my unconditionally loving God, the more accurately I will be able to project God to others who seek help from me in their pain.

I am going to seek God to reveal to me where in my life I am still judging myself, and not applying his value to me. Then I am going to ask him to help me begin to make decisions that affirm my worth in that area even if I don’t actually believe I have worth yet. I am retraining my belief about myself and it can start with actions. I hope you will join me in doing some retraining!

I hope you will take some time to soak in this song. I pray it blesses you!